So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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