my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
