do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
