I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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