he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
