I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
