Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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