So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I want to be your penis for a week.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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