2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
