I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
