A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
