I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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