He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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