have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
