please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
