Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
