Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
