Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
