I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
