I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
