another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize