i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
