idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
