Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
