when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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