I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
