i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize