her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
