the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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