I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
