I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm too high and old for this...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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