Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
