Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
