And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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