I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize