Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize