Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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