I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
