Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
