I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
