Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize