So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
