Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
