I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize