I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize