I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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