Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
