My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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