Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
