Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
