im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
