Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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