2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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