just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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