just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
