i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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