Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm really busy with my period
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