What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Randomize
