I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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