found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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