The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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