You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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